I am the female that posted a while ago about having a crush on a friend that probably liked another mutual friend. I was right. And I found out in the worst way possible. In the way I did I embarra*sed and upset everyone involved, and I had a breakdown because I was so ashamed and hurt and felt so guilty for wanting something I knew I couldn't have. I feel like such a goddamn failure. Never getting to have a relationship while everyone around has one, constantly disappointing my mother, never being happy with who I am, it just amounts to too much. And with this, I'm completely sealing myself off. I embarra*s myself too much by talking. I'm never telling people what I feel ever again to save myself and others from the pain I cause.