Female, 22
Saturday, 07 November 2020

Out of 5, my suicidal thoughts are on a scale of 3.I am pursuing a career I never liked and it is not going well. I live in surroundings I hate. I have a very quiet and lonely life and it has only gotten worse since COVID. I was living in dorms where I had no friends, before this but now I returned home some time ago. My parents are overall nice to me but it is getting suffocating being around them. They do not understand me and just say mean comments and do not accept for who I am. They are still caught up in my childhood image and refuse to treat me as a grown up individual. I have distanced myself from them as a result. I have dreams I want to accomplish but my chronic depression has robbed me of pa*sion. I have health issues I cant solve and I want to move out but cant due to financial problems. I do not believe in any religion(something my parents cannot accept) and just want to live my life my way. I do not understand what's wrong with that. I also want to fall in love with a person who is my type but my love is requited. I am hanging in there only because of things someone I look up to once said. If I am not able to get my wishes by next 10 years I will call quits on this senseless game called life. It is empty and disgusting for me. I also like anime and k-pop(my saviors) but lately they have been of no help either. I wonder if I will be able to hold on till promised time. Thanks for reading my rant and thanks for anonymous status since I really don't have anyone I trust.