Female, 17
Thursday, 09 April 2020

I cut myself for the first time last night. Just like a paper cut on my upper thigh, because I was suddenly hesitant and scared (thanks anxiety -.-). It hurt a little and I only did one. I don't know if I should have or not but I want to do more. But I'm scared of the pain and being found out. I don't want to deal with the pain, but at the same time, it makes me wonder if I am faking my depression. I've always wondered if it was just my mind torturing me, and the pain last night only made me overthink more. I've always had a really low pain tolerance though, so it just makes me overthink even more. I just want to cut more, because it felt good. But I don't want the pain of it or pain of overthinking. I can't tell anyone this, or I'll hurt them more than I want to.