Female, 14
Wednesday, 04 December 2019

when i was 9 i dated a girl for 4 months and she asked for pictures and after bunch of "no" and "go watch porn" i ended up sending it to her... she was also one of the reason i started cutting which I'm still struggling with after 5 years of it . when i was 11 some guy on a game i was playing lured me into rp? i don't really know how to describe it and he was i think 27 and he said he really wanted to see me in real life and to do it but i ended up blocking him. the 3rd one was when i was 13 so yeah this year... em i was with my boyfriend and he was kinda.. abusive i would say.. emotionally... he was 2 years older then me actually but he thought it would be funny to message a guy who was 17 and make him send a d*ck pic.. well i did the work but after that he told me oh you made me horny and called me a slut and horrible thing and selfish and i went through allot of thing were people would call me such horrible things even my mum at some point when she was.. quite drunk. erm he called me slut, whore, dirty, selfish, and just kinda guilt trip me into sending him n*des and i try to get out of it but he would say he would send it to my boyfriend. he finished...and i told my boyfriend and he said he wont talk to me ever again erm... he texted me a couple weeks ago actually and i sorted it out he tried making me send him stuff again and i was like no and yeah but.. the most recent was also a couple weeks ago... a 29 year old man messaged me on a game but later moved onto skype... he did the same as the other guy did but he also told me i wasnt like no girls and how i special and cus im so naive it lured me into sending him to him... he leaked them.. no one that knows me saw them.. yet but im scared. and you may be like well why dont you just learn from before... well i never had much attention and friends and family would belittle me and made me feel like shit but i allways wanted to be there for people so i would literally damage my mental health for someone else to be happy and that been something i dealt with for 4 years now and i allways thought maybe i would be better of dead so im pretty vulnerable so there have been tons of horrible people in my life and ik people here is like oh i have a crush on a guy or sm but.. i just wanted to tell someone and i just feel such a slut and everyday i feel like oh i should be less selfish, dont talk about yourself unless they ask you, dont cry people will find you weak and prey on you again. and my mind is allways so f*c*ed up i just want to go i been in a state of depression where i just feel empty and for nearly a year now i mean there been nice highs but so f*c*ing low lows and in june i was so sure that i was going to kill myself after i went to see a concert with my mum but the train was allready there when i got there... i was so sure... im sorry...


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