Female, 23
Wednesday, 14 October 2020

I ABSOLUTELY SUCK my life is a mess i am afraid to do adult things i am even afraid to drive a car i am incredibly dumb i fell in love young had 3 kids by the fool now he's in prison and i am regretting my existence i love myself but i hate every decision that i've ever made and i feel so stuck and alone. i don't know what to do with my life it feels like god doesn't even want to help me this really s*cks a part of me wish i could jump off a cliff but id never do that to my children their dad is a horrible human being he may have been involved in his own brothers death but who knows he wont tell the truth about anything to save his life i am in love with the brother that died i wish i would have choose him he was the best person i've ever known. he was so pure the love that i was always looking for I COULD HAVE HAD IT IN HIM BUT INSTEAD I CHOOSE HIS BROTHER BY THE TIME I REALIZED THAT HE WAS SPECIAL IT WAS A WEEK BEFORE HIS DEATH how stupid am i to not see what i could have had with s*ck a special person. his brother isn't a quarter of the man he was and i am afraid of him and scared for the day that he gets out of prison i don't want him to find me or our three children. i spent our entire relationship trying to prove my worth to him letting him use me and kill my spirit i am a shell of who i use to be honestly not even the shell i wish i could just get it right and move on with my life everyday i worry about my children seeing that i am nothing absolutely nothing. just a bunch of broken promises and lies i've told myself i wish i would have a due over i just cant forgive my self for my past it feels nearly impossible to move forward from who i have been and what i have been through what am I going to do? i have no clue